Alright, lets talk.
If you are a drinker, someone has probably said to you before “why don’t you quit?”. This is single handedly one of the most annoying questions you can be asked. Why is meeting with your wife’s parents so boring? Why is the sky blue? What do all these questions have in common, they are all redundant and mean nothing. Stop listening to those people who are trying to take away your fun times. I thought it was finally time to share with you why drinking is the best.
1. You Can Meet New People
It’s been scientifically proven that alcohol makes you more social. Connecting with new people is a great thing, and alcohol makes it so much easier. You may be a little tipsy and unaware, but hey, who could possibly care about that. You may drink too much and end up embarrassing yourself, but hey, that’s just a small consequence. What’s the best part you may ask? When you drink a lot and drive, you may even meet an awesome person called a police officer. Keep reading so I can tell you about the great things that happen when you meet one of them.
2. You May Get Some Action
When you get pulled over, some things are guaranteed to happen to you. You may get pulled over and let off the hook, but that’s pretty rare. Here’s what is likely to happen. A police officer will ask you if you’ve been drinking tonight and you will idiotically say no. He or she will then give you a breathalyzer test that you will fail. Now here’s the great part that proves why you shouldn’t stop drinking. Well first, you met someone new. If that’s not enough for you, you get some action. You’re probably thinking, how am I going to get some action after being pulled over by a police officer? Well, the police officer is going to feel you up and call it a “frisk”, which means action for you. See isn’t drinking great?
3. You May Get A FREE Place To Stay and Food
Now, this is where it gets good. After your love session with the police officer, you get taken to this magical place called jail. In jail, you get your own area to live called a cell. You will have a roommate too who may be a bit too “friendly”. It’s okay though, that means more action for you! Now, lets talk more about your cell. You will probably have a bed, toilet, and sink. It’s all you need really. And hey, it’s all free because you kept on drinking! You’re probably wondering about the free food. Yes, 3 bland block meals per day for you. Are you finally starting to understand the awesome places that drinking can take you?
4. More Action!
The action just never seems to end. When you are in jail, you’ll meet some really “great” people. One of them might even be your cell mate. Let’s just say that your cell mate may do “things” to you. However, some of these things might be unwanted. Wait! There’s even more. You can even get more action during “shower time”. Action on top action. Man, wasn’t drinking just such a great decision?
Wow, the possibilities are just endless when you drink. So many great things can happen to you. Meeting new people, free place to stay, free food, and more action. It’s hard to even find a flaw in drinking. Now you finally know the truth. You can now share this with skeptics who pester you about your drinking habits. Did I missing any benefits? Tell me in the comments below.